Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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