Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Randomize
