u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
