well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
