there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
