What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Reggie can tackle my bush.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
