Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
