I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Randomize
