Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
