I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
