Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
