eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
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