My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
