goodnight i made you a song goodbye
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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