biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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