I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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