Nicole vs. Life
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
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