An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
