It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
