I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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