Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
