Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
