The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
The power of my boobs compel you
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
