We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
