My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
