her vagine was all disorganized.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
