Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
