Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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