He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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