they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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