Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
What a dumb baby whore.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
