Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
