i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Too much gin, very little bucket
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
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