Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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