the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
