WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
