we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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