are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
