I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Is Oprah even human
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
