marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
no you cant smoke seaweed
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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