my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I just googled if crying burns calories
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
