someone threw a dead crab at me
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
