just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
