I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
