my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
