either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
