closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
