Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
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