But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
