We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
