don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
